i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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