Pants 0. Shit 1.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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