Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Say something about gay babies.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
