I think i peed on brittanys purse
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
