I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
