You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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