girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
