I just cut my nipple shaving
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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