you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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