I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
