You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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