You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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