he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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