I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
