dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
