Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
