What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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