I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize