just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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