i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
