If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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