you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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