I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
