My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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