I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize