There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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