remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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