They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
my liver is dry heaving
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
