why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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