Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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