just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
