the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize