I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You smell like stripper and shame
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
