I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
