So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
