btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
