I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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