thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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