Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
