Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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