the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
