just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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