Will you blow on my dice?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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