When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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