Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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