i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
