Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
