We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
