I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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