i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
