I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
