there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she smelled like a LAN party
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
