It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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