conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
