Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
