so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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