I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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