she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize