During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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