Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
