Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I want to snug with you.

(1-248): View more from Michigan

You want my snuggie?

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(214): View more from Texas

call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight

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(937): View more from Ohio

Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged

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(912): View more from Georgia

That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.

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(585): View more from New York

In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk

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(707): View more from California

Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.

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