Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Someone shit on the floor
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
