Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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