My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
