I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
