At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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