Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize