Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
