I'm pants shitting drunk right now
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
