I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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