just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
