i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
