things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
