Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize