and you said cock pushups were impossible
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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