you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
