I hope mine doesn't look like that
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
