I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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