Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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