Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
