Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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