She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
