Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
