He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
