you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
