I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
God, I missed his penis.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
