That's when you crack a 10am beer
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
