the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
