i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
