Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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