i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize