i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
