she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
