He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
